Death

It sounds so final.

Frightening.

Taboo, you just don’t talk much about it.

Why would I want to?

Because it is a part of life and everyone will experience it. 

No one will escape it.

There have been three or four times in my life that I was close to it, really close. Twice I accepted it, once I fought it. Once was way up in the sky all by myself. I was losing control of my hang glider and I was very cold. I began to cry, sobbing because I was not going to die quickly but it was going to be a violent spinning out of the sky impacting the ground miles away from anyone. Obviously I didn’t die, but it was an event that happened and it was not over quickly, it was an hour long battle to live.

A few years before I was on the West shore of O’ahu surfing big waves by myself. I couldn’t make it out of the tube and was forced deep. I couldn’t hear rocks banging around and I dint know which way was up. At the surface, the foam was thick and I couldn’t get a breath before being mowed down by the next wave. I began to get warm an I relaxed. I knew I was drowning and this was the only thing I knew to do, relax and go with it. I was at the surface. Big breath, no wave, pull in the long leas and paddle, in.

The next one was Covid, I had it early. I couldn’t breath, my heart racing, my skin, anything that touched my skin was pins and needles. I tried to sleep but was so miserable. I closed my eyes one night and thought I would rather die than live in so much pain. I started walking the next day and began to get better.

The last time was a few years ago.i had a read on an X-ray that indicated a possibility of incurable aggressive cancer. For about three days my mind spun. 

The thing that gave me peace was that everyone dies. The choice for me was what was I going to do with the time I had left?

Work.

Help others.

Helping others makes me happy and it made sense to me. It kept my mind off of feeling sorry for myself.

The CT and exam came back negative. That one hit home.

Death is just a part of life. The only way we can escape it is by living right. Living right would be to live with integrity. Being honest with yourself, your family and everyone around you. Not wasting your time, being productive the best you can be.

I’m going to eat ice cream, bacon and eat what I want, in moderation. Everything in moderation. I’m going to practice controlling my thoughts. No hatred of anything or anyone. I’ll practice getting better at my interests. I love taking pictures, writing, cataloging my thoughts, my pictures, my life. I often look back at what I’ve done.

In this case, this web site is a year old! Feels like a lot longer. That’s a desired effect.

I never wish my time away…

But what happens to us when we die?

I don’t know, I’m too busy living.