Saturday, June 14, 2025
Friday, June 13, 2025
Nikon EM
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Self portrait - Nikon EM - Series E 50mm f1.8 AIS |
I searched eBay and found my EM for $20!
The F mount system is key to my EM ownership.
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My first Nikon EM had intermittent shutter issues. |
vignette #1 - from the empty pool of time
The concept of time is enigmatic.
It always has been but one person was able to put it into a perspective that I could fathom. I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to have spent a few moments with a rabbi discussing the concept of time and he was able to put it into very few words that I’ve been able to retain.
He told me a story. A child of five years old, their whole life, the complete experience is all of five years whereas a twenty-five-year-old has lived five of the child’s lifetimes but unless he (or she) looks at the concept with that lens, time may simply be something measured by a watch, a phone or the calendar in the kitchen. That twenty-five-year-old does not see themselves as had lived five lifetimes in comparison to the child or trying to understand that whole of their life constitutes only one third the life of a grandparent.
The passage of time is life.
And while we wear a watch or throw away a calendar, do we really pay attention to the time that has passed? It just depends on how much time you have left. Do you have to do your hair to be ready to get in the car to drive to work? How much time do you have? If others set the rules for your concept of time, does that mean our time is short? I know sometimes when I’m at work, it’s a little while after lunch and my work day is over at 4p, and that is a long time away…
I’m learning to enjoy that slow passage of time.
But the problem with enjoying those long moments shortens my life. The enjoyment of time moving so slowly, so much, so many times, I have a huge stack of slow moments behind me. At this time, I have less in front of me than I have in my memory storage.
Soon I will be sixty five. Some see retirement as the time to stop working. As a young adult, that’s all I looked forward to as I went to work and stacked those long moments. They were seemingly uncomfortable and on someone else’s agenda. I wanted to be off work and go surfing or soaring, skateboarding, something I wanted to do. I want to do what I want to do and I had to endure someone else’s time in exchange for the power (read money) in order to spend my own time doing what I wanted to do.
Now that I have enough money (read time) to retire, is that what I want to do?
Is time like money? Can I buy time? Learning that concept is something we do, hopefully at an early age. It has been an idea that I’ve instilled in myself and in my own children. You trade your time for money and it’s best when you enjoy what you do when working because if you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life.
It’s time for me to get to the reason why I’m creating this exercise for myself. When I was much younger, two lifetimes ago, I did not know that the whole of my life now, two lifetimes in the future now, would be a conglomerate of interests that where so diverse and unique that I could not imagine that others could have the same experiences.
Every year I go to the doctor and have a complete physical exam. It’s what I do to take care of myself we stood at the monitor and pondered over the exray. “Looks good.” we almost said in unison. “There is the granuloma from when I had Valley Fever as a child. I always remember to tell them, “Compare the last exray.”
A week later my doctor called, “Adam, your chest X-ray was positive.”
“What?”
“Increased density of the hilum, you need a CT”
“G~d dammit I thought to myself, what does that mean?”
I pulled up a browser, put it in the search function and started to read. And went down deep in the rabbit hole of Doctor Google.
Lung cancer, malignant and un-curable.
I had six months to live.
I’m going to die, a withering slow death I thought.
I didn’t even think about heaven or hell, I thought about the time I had left. Let me tell you, time became a concept that I now fully understood. I did not have much time left but how did I want to spend it?
I became instantly depressed. I started to cry. I told my wife and my son.
How am I going to be happy ever again?
Was it the Porsche that I’ve always wanted? Was it the trip to Switzerland that I have wanted to do? What am I going to do? Why am I so afraid? Everyone dies, no escaping it but I don’t have much time left. What makes me happy?
Helping others.
I help others live longer lives at work.
I’m going to keep working.
Work. I wanted nothing more than to go to work.
Helping people at work is what fulfilled who I was. Helping people live longer lives gave peace to my soul. Prisoners, mean people, assholes, it didn’t matter, life was their journey, it didn’t matter, life is so precious and that is what was so important to me and that’s what I chose to do with mine.
I go to work.
Months later I remember calling out his name in the waiting room, he stood up with his wife and they walked with me to the device exam room in our office.
“Thank you for saving my life. The tears welled up in my eyes, “I don’t like crying at work but this is an exception.” “I called 911 and they took me to the hospital, and I got a pacemaker.” “I know, I spoke to the paramedics and told them what was going on and what might happen, they thanked me. I read your chart, it did happen but you are here!”
I had worked with a prominent cardiologist to help our patient get to the hospital immediately to receive care. He had a malignant EKG and his heart was stopping and I wasn’t having any part of letting that happen.
In the meantime, before this happened, I had scheduled my CT, a visit to the pulmonologist and everything came back clear, normal, the X-ray was an over read, a simple suggestion to follow up. My wife knew, my doctor did too but I went there and it’s a slippery slope…
I was back to a life of not knowing how much time I had left.
That’s how it should be, I’m living a life of in the moment, a life of mindfulness.
Looking back, I’m seeing elements of my interests, as kooky as they may be seen, to have meaning. The Ninja, my study of religion, skateboarding, hang gliding, surfing the snow, surfing ocean waves, flying the airwaves. I was a manbird and living my dreams of soaring on the wind. All those thoughts and ideas are intertwined making up the person that I am. My work, family, marriage, interests, children and the Community of Humanistic Judaism that I am involved with.
Time is something that is innefible.
No amount of my bullshit will explain it but I can manage it when I can. Do not waste your time and if you do, waste it wisely.
I understand that time spent fishing is not held against you. Funny, when I go fishing, I feel like a five year old… wait!
.Monday, June 9, 2025
First Attempt: Moon Photography
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2nd Try, the Strawberry Moon - Tuesday, June 10, 2025 at 9:45p |
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Thirtieth image with the Nikon D780 with AF-S NIKKOR 28-300mm f3.5-5.6 G ED VR FX |
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First Try, Second Photo |
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First Try, First Photo |